


its not crossdressing if its halloween

by mikantsumiki



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, halloween fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2017-11-17 12:26:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikantsumiki/pseuds/mikantsumiki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’s a walking sparkly disaster of a Lady Gaga impersonator and Dave couldn’t be more proud of her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	its not crossdressing if its halloween

**Author's Note:**

> i dont even know what this is

“Do I need to help you put on your costume too?” Dave asks through the door, fixing his Halloween costume for what felt like the millionth time that night as he waits for Terezi to put on her costume, “I know the sparkles are probably giving you a minor orgasm right now, but that’s going to have to wait until we get back since I’d like to go trick or treating sometime in the next century.”

All he gets is a cackle in response which must mean that girl is up to something. Dave doesn’t know whether he should be happy about that, or completely terrified.

Then again, when he’s got shorts all the way up to his ribcage and whip-cream blasters attached to his bikini top, if he wants to run away from her so that he’s not pulled into her stupid little schemes, he’s going to have a hard time saying no. Not to mention that he’s literally trying to balance in these heels just so that his costume is complete.

(He’s definitely going to be towering over Terezi tonight, more than usual).

“Almost ready,” She coos through the cracks before he hears the clatter of shoes against a wooden floor. There’s a cacophony of noises going on from behind that door and the blonde’s kind of curious as to what the hell she’s doing, but he’s obviously a gentleman (except not tonight because he’s not dressed like some _man_ ; the things he does for an alien babe) and not going to take a peek inside.

Okay, so maybe he’d take a quick look. It’s not like Terezi would really notice or anything.

So he opens the door and peers in, seeing the back of his teal blooded girlfriend with her dress half-zipped and struggling hard to get the very last bit up. Smirking slightly to himself, he moves just behind her and takes her hands in his, bringing her palm over and slowly zipping her costume all the way up to her neck. She doesn’t say anything about Dave just walking in on her like that, just turns around afterwards and gives a half spin in her dress.

“How does it look?” She asks, and he finally gets a nice look at her.

Her white wig looks odd because they spent nearly an hour and a half trying to cut the perfect holes into it for her horns to go through and her face is at least a half-pound of white, black and silver make-up all over, ending right down at her neck. Her lips are barely hiding the fact that she’s got a drawer full of knives in her mouth and the usual black lipstick that’s there is smeared with white powder. The dress barely clings to her small frame and it really doesn’t help in the boobs department where she’s barely filling it out but it’s okay because he knows his girl’s thought of this ahead of time and she’s got some fruit stuffed into her bra to keep it from slipping off of her body. Her fishnet stockings are tacky looking – like she just picked them up from your local pharmacy for three bucks – and there’s clearly more holes in it than normal and Dave can tell she’s tried shoving her feet into it without patience. He thinks his favorite part of her costume are the buckled high heel shoes she’s got on; it actually makes her tall enough to reach his shoulder without having to bend over awkwardly or picking her up into his arms.

She’s a walking sparkly disaster of a Lady Gaga impersonator and Dave couldn’t be more proud of her.

“You look like you just walked right out _Just Dance_ ,” He says and loops his arm around her shoulders, “I’d ask what you thought of mine but then again, you can’t see it and I don’t want your mouth all over my gigantic nipples.”

Terezi’s touching them anyway as she grabs empty pillow cases for them to go trick or treating, commenting on how deliciously red his costume is. “I bet you’re making a beautiful Katy Perry too,” She says with a cackle.

And then she starts telling him why she was giggling so much before.

\--

“Goddammit Tz, if you don’t want to get caught by Vantas, then you might want to keep your voice down,” He tells her, one and a third pillow case full of candy (Terezi couldn’t wait to start snacking on the moist chocolates that she got, and she’s afraid that they’d melt by the time they got home, so she started eating as many as she could before she realizes that there’s barely any left) later, ducking down behind a Toyota so that he doesn’t get seen by any of the party-goers.

You’d think this was an easy task for Dave Strider, but then again, Dave Strider is also in an outfit that wasn’t designed for his body type and his feet are starting to get sore from walking around in heels for three hours. He also has to deal with the fact that he’s got a troll pressing right into his back and jeez fucking louise, Terezi needs to learn the definition of personal space.

(He wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t sweating up a storm in his thick, red leggings.

But he wished she’d stop touching him, it wasn’t helping at all).

“I’ve got the eggs,” She says, not bothering to duck since the truck’s tall enough to hide the length of her body. Just before they came over towards Karkat’s shinding, the two of them had to stop and take a piss break (ok, so really he had to take a piss break and she just wanted some Twizzlers, but it worked out for both of them in the end) and Terezi had reminded him about what she said earlier, searching around the mini-mart for some cheap, hopefully old, eggs and some watercolor paint.

They sat on the sidewalk for a while and painted some of their eggs, Terezi splashing beautifully wicked colors onto each and every one of them while Dave wrote obscenities and drew disturbing images, such as what he thinks a girl’s cooch looks like and dicks on fire.

(When you’ve only slept with one girl – one that isn’t even human – you never really know what a female’s vuvla looks like. He has to guess what they look like since it’s not like he’s ever caught a glimpse of one or anything. He’d say he’s looked at porn before, but the bad camera angles have always bothered him so he just rather not look at that shit. Besides, it’s all fake and crusty looking.

Okay, so he lied when he said he hasn’t ever seen a girl’s pussy before, but then again, walking in on Rose in the middle of macking it up with her own alien girlfriend doesn’t fucking count).

Terezi hands him over some of the eggs they colored on, tilting her head up just slightly. She smells the waffering aromas of baked Halloween cookies, spiked kool aid and loads of people up against one another – whether it was from dancing or moving through crowds, she didn’t know or care – while smirking to herself.

“Don’t aim for anyone’s face otherwise we’ll be spending time in jail,” Dave says, expressionless, “Or worse, _court_.”

“I wasn’t planning to!” She says enthusiastically, blindly aiming for one of the windows and chucking it hard into the air. It lands with an off-yellow splat against the glass and the blonde’s sure he hears someone shouting ‘Oh my God, what was that?’ loud enough for said host to hear what was going on.

By that time, they both throw eggs and toilet paper at Karkat’s house like they were trying out for the football team, aiming high and scoring all of the touchdowns, and he means all of them.

The short angry troll soon realizes what the hell’s going on and stomps outside to yell at the hoodlums throwing shit at his house when he notices Dave barely ducking behind his car. “What the fuck do you two think you’re doing?” He screams, his costume – they think he’s dressed up as a sexy version of Shrek, but they’re really not sure – flopping around with his arm as he gestures to them.

“Oh shit, tz, run; it’s the popo,” Dave says, dropping the eggs, hauling up his bag of candy before making a run for it, not really getting too far before he’s tripping over his heels clumsily, probably flashing his red behind at Karkat in the process but he doesn’t give a flying fuck about that.

Terezi’s right behind him, lugging her own third of a candy bag behind her as the two of them run off into the midnight, laughing like a couple of teenagers who can get away with just about anything.

Then again, that’s kind of what they are.


End file.
